ermm wad can i say, it has realli been quite hard for me passing these few days. is it like some form of mental test for me? or just trying to see how much faith i have. been trying to keep myself occupied for e weekends, so that my mind won't start wondering off again. hmm went for my medical appt on sat. well lets not talk bout it. after which i went to the hospital to pay my friend a visit, oso at the same time to find someone to talk to. went to my grandpa's place since it has been so long since i last went. had dinner tgt with them, and a rnd of mahjong. which was not realli ideal. cos guess wad. i zha hu twice. how surprising. juz cnt realli concentrate. and maybe i mislook those tiles. sianz. somemore they play so fcukin big. to me tt is. $1 $2. so shld noe bout how much those 2 cost me.. haha? well luckily in the end my mum covered me and i lost only 10 bucks. wow she must've won quite alot. juz dun realli hav the pulling power tt night. aft tt took cabbie with my mum back home. hav to face e 4 walls again. oh ya did i mention tt i juz started my fish hobby again. ya juz feel more calm looking at thm everytime. i received a call at 2.53am. i was overjoyed. a moment of relief. i felt much better. way much.

it was sunday. i woke up. and as usuall i'll dash out to look at my fishes. see got any die anot. cos i heard e startin 2 wks if their not stable will just die. so i'll always hope i see none floating. ha..
i'm starting to miss u again. took out my books and tried to study. but it seems every half hr i study i'll spend like 15 mins stoning there, and once this happens usually my imaginations will juz take over me. and perhaps sometimes run wild. which is damn bad. called my friends out. try to keep myself occupied. evening period went over to my dad's place to have dinner. happened to be my aunt's bday too. left at bout 10pm. dad sent me home. i was feeling quite lethargic. washed up. vexed over my reports. and decided to head to bed. it was 12.30am. for the nxt subsequent hr. i kept waking up to check my phone 1.30. 2.30. 3.30. sadly my phone did not ring. i finally fell into my deep sleep.

it's monday. it's 9am. open my eyes to check my phone. no missed calls no msg. i went to wash up. fed fishy hamsy doggy. off to sch i went. it was veri difficult for me today. i tried to do my reports and presentations. 11am - 7pm. it juz cnt seem to be done. i keep going into my own world thinking of things. had dinner with classmates at timah before heading home. called fee out to hav a chat with me and oso keep me acc. shared my thoughts. felt better aft speaking my worries. it's 2.53am exactly now. 2 days alr and i've heard nothing from u. i dun need a call. perhaps juz a "i'm fine" msg would do. maybe u dun see a need to. waste money. i'll respect u. not to be so dependent. i'll try. i promise.


these lines are really hurtful.

A : if i'm seriously ill in hospital, will u still leave for overseas?
B : that depends on how serious.
A : take it like in critical condition and i want to see you?
B : erm but i already bought the tickets.
A : so will leave or not?
B : err will la.


A : if i'm in a coma will u still wait for me?
B : depends
A : wad u mean?
B : if its permanent maybe i'll move on, if temporary maybe i'll wait.


such things going into ur ears. imagine the feeling.

i'm tired.
good nitex.
i hope tmr will be a better day.

Ended my post @ 1/29/2008 02:16:00 AM