Once again shattering into a million pieces.. problems came all round frm my parents.. Does a divorced parent realli hav such a wide different view? They juz dun understand what i'm going through, its all juz assumptions their having.. "my dad" said he would be open minded, and ask me to tell him evrything, and i was prepared to alr, but before i could speak up, i realised he was alr forcing me to lead a life of his his words. And again, wadever i wanted to say went down my throat. Bottling all up in me.. Just bother bout ur own family, and dun assume tt u noe me so well.

"my mum" claims tt i dun show concern for her anymore, but the fact is does she even know wad i'm doing for her... i guess not.. another assumption again.. To think on mothers' day i wanted to bring her out for dinner, but in the end whn i woke up, i realised i'm all alone at hm with my dog... i called wher was she, with her friends was her reply.. in my heart i was thinking, so did u bore them?

feeling all alone, i called each and evryone of my friends asking them whether they wanted to go out... but all were out with their family alr... All of a sudden i felt.... Do i realli have a family? If one day someone were to ask me to rate e people arnd me, relationship and friendships will definitely be above my family... Why is this so? Cos they are the people who realli understands and cares for me..

Went out alone today, took a bus to town.. i juz needed some peaceful time alone.. started walking frm far east... plugged in my mp3, and started pondering.. i was so angry at my parents at tt moment... but all of a sudden the thoughts of my parents dying flashed thru my mind, and unknowingly tears juz flowed down my cheeks.. i continued walking, and a kind lady offered my tissue.. thers still kind souls arnd tho.. a word of thx and we became by passers.. after a realli long walk of ending up at raffles hotel... i felt so lost internally, juz whn i needed u e most, u weren't ther. msged. but my phone didn't beep.

Perhaps i was realli meant to be left alone.. reaced fort canning park.. sat at the stairs looking high up, stars were shimmering brightly.. i prayed... God can u heal my heart? y muz evrything bestow upon me.. i cnt realli handle e load anymore.. i used to be hot tempered and maybe hurt my friends indirectly, but i've chnged... squash is e oni game for me to vent all my anger... i've always tried to spare a thought for evrybody.. but why cnt "others" spare a thought for me.. am i realli such a loathsome? i know there are many obstacles in life, but isn't this too many for me alr... someone juz tell me why.

Ended my post @ 5/20/2007 11:35:00 PM